I figure I owe it to the world to open up about my relationship with the troubled golfer. I want to help the healing process begin.
But, first, since I have your attention, just let me remind you about Petuk and Allie.
This is Grace, their mother. She got knocked up after spending a depraved night with the canine version of Tiger Woods. We don't know much else about him, except that he lives on the streets of Istanbul and apparently wasn't as serious as she thought when he told her he would love her forever.
Let's Adopt rescued Grace and found a home for her and for one of her puppies, Vernon. But we've had zero luck finding a home for the other two.
That video of Vernon pretty much shows you what Petuk and Allie are like. They're normal, healthy puppies. They have all the natural instincts puppies usually have to run and play.
Isn't there someone out there who can make a home for them?
It's not an act of charity. Your life will be better if they are part of it.
There's nothing in this world more exuberantly charming and full of life than a puppy.
This is not a video of my cats playing the roles of Petuk and Allie; it's an actual photo of Petuk and Allie. Do you seriously mean to tell me your life wouldn't be made better by saving theirs?
Let me ask you a few questions: Did you happen to notice who Elin took with her when she sped off hysterically into the night after discovering that her husband was not the squeaky-clean sports hero she believed him to be but a philandering son-of-a-bitch who was cheating on her with every skank in the phone book? That's right: her dogs.
You want to guess who the only creatures in the world are right now who aren't giving Tiger Woods the fishy eyeball, canceling his sponsorship deals, selling photos of his hapless naked ass to the tabloids or trying to knock his teeth out with a golf club? That's right: his dogs.
Stalin's hatchet man, Lavrenti Beria, once said, "Show me the man, and I'll show you the crime."
Show me the man, and I'll show you someone who needs these dogs.