IF ANDERSON SILVA NEEDS A GHOSTWRITER, I'M NOT TOO BUSY

Claire says: The more anxious I get about the amount of writing I have to do, the less able I seem to be to concentrate on it.

Mischa says: Yes, I certainly know that feeling.

Mischa says: Try doing it with a ten month old baby.

Claire says: I’ve spent the whole fucking day trying to choke out a piece about Istanbul's Capital of Culture festivities. In principle, I should be able to dictate this while sitting on the can.

Mischa says: Boy, do I know how that goes.

Claire says: Man, I wish I could play that "I have a baby" card without actually having one.

Mischa says: It's not a card. It's a genuine impediment to creative work.

Claire says: So is having a sore pinky. It's been impeding me all day.

Mischa says: I wish I hadn't lost all my Creatons for good.

Mischa says: Because they were so essential to my line of work.

Claire says: It wouldn't matter even if you hadn't, because our profession is dead.

Mischa says: Also, any desire to work.

Mischa says: I lost that too.

Mischa says: I don't think that's true.

Mischa says: Sooner or later, somebody will take what I've written and turn it into a webcam miniseries or something.

Mischa says: But I need to write it first.

Claire says: I hate writing and live only for the martial arts, a field of endeavor for which I am singularly unsuited.

Mischa says: I just read the new biography of Raymond Carver.

Claire says: Being, as I am, nearly 42, clumsy, and a complete neophyte.

Mischa says: Lots of people have begun new careers at 42 and achieved greatness.

Mischa says: Look at Ronald Reagan.

Claire says: Not in the martial arts. Not one.

Mischa says: No, perhaps not in the martial arts.

Claire says: By the way, are you familiar with Anderson Silva?

Mischa says: No.

Claire says: If your Internet connection's fast enough, you should really watch some of his videos. He's just one of the greatest athletes I've ever seen.

Mischa says: He got clobbered in his first boxing match.

Claire says: Well, he didn't get clobbered many times after that.

Mischa says: Looks like a pussy to me.

Claire says: That, I would not say.

Mischa says: Man couldn't get past round three of a spelling bee.

Claire says: No, probably not. Especially because he speaks no English.

Mischa says: No excuse, not speaking English. Proper spelling matters.

Mischa says: I also bet you could totally whomp his ass in Scrabble.

Claire says: He would nonetheless get a much bigger book advance, if he wrote a book.

Mischa says: Who the hell wants to buy Anderson Silva's book?

Mischa says: I hate books by athletes.

Claire says: I don't think I've ever read one.

Mischa says: There you go.

Mischa says: It's not a hot brand.

Mischa says: On the other hand, as I was saying, I read the new biography of Raymond Carver.

Claire says: Yes, I was wondering how that thought continued.

Mischa says: Now there was one guy who really, really, really wanted to be a writer.